A River Bend Wedding Page 3

  “I figured you should try to eat,” he explained, his back still to her.

  Good thinking. “You're too good to me sometimes.”

  “Sometimes?” He shot a crooked grin over his shoulder and she smiled.

  “All the time.” Hands shaking, she sidled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. “By the way, I don’t know yet. I couldn't just stand there and watch.”

  “I couldn't either.” Sliding the pot off the burner, he turned and folded his arms around her shoulders, his face going to her hair. “You know we'll be fine, right?”

  “Yeah,” she whispered. “Totally fine.” Eventually.

  “Babe…” He pulled back, his brow pinched. “We're not one of those couples that's only been together for a month. We're solid. We can handle whatever comes our way.”

  “I’m not worried about that.” Not really. “I just wish this was something we could have planned. Something we could have been more prepared for.”

  A slow smile curled the corners of his mouth. “You're talking like you already know what the answer is going to be.”

  “I do.”

  His blue eyes widened. “You do?”

  She nodded and cleared her throat. “I missed my period last month. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that being pregnant was a possibility. I just assumed it was—”

  “Stress.”

  Ugh. “Yeah. Story of my life these days.” His brow furrowed again and she sighed. “In two more minutes, we’ll know for sure.”

  “I love you,” he murmured, pulling her close again and rocking her from side to side.

  “I love you, too.”

  “We can handle two minutes and we can handle the outcome no matter what it is.”

  God, she hoped so.

  ***

  He couldn't get the image of a dark haired little boy out of his head. A perfect, chubby cheeked little thing that loved nothing more than being nuzzled against Carissa's chest.

  Holy shit. So this was it felt like, huh? Waiting to find out if one was about to become a father.

  How goddamn lucky could a guy get?

  Despite the countdown he was sure he and Carissa both held in their heads, neither of them moved from their embrace in the kitchen until long after the two minutes had passed.

  “I should go back in there,’ she said quietly. “Come with?”

  Absolutely. He covered the oatmeal and took her proffered hand. “You ready for this?”

  “Not at all. You?”

  “Yep.” Maybe more than ready, if he was honest. Hell, he already had the list of supplies he'd need for the nursery started in his head.

  “Lead the way, then.” She squeezed his hand and he took the cue, walking them down the hall. A mere twenty feet and it felt like twenty miles.

  “You want me to look first?” he asked, sensing the tension in her body

  “Please.” She hung back by the door, blinking away unshed tears as her gaze locked on the stick next to the sink.

  The stick with two dark pink lines.

  “Holy shit,” he muttered, his heart speeding up like a jackhammer in his chest. “It's fucking positive.” He glanced back at her with wide eyes and she slapped a hand over her mouth. Not fast enough to cover her smile, though. Then she shrieked and jumped into his arms, both of them laughing.

  “We’re having a baby,” he said, smacking kisses all over her face. “My swimmers fucking rock!”

  “What?” she giggled, her arms looped around his neck.

  “I have no idea what I’m talking about. I can’t think straight right now.” Mind. Friggin’. Blown.

  “Wait.” Carissa pulled back. “We should take another one. To be sure.”

  “Oh, shit. Yeah. Of course.” He set her back down and she ripped into a second box, tearing open the wrapper inside and dropping her panties right there in front of him.

  He grinned and took the second wand from her when she was done.

  “This is fucking unreal,” he muttered, watching for what he didn’t know, because this test was different than the first one. After a couple minutes, the word pregnant appeared in the little oval window and his heart sped up all over again. “Babe…” He held up the wand and a rush of tears poured down her face.

  “Oh, my God,” she cried, shuffling into his arms and sobbing happy tears into his t-shirt. “I…wow! You… Me… A baby!”

  Uh huh. His thoughts exactly.

  Chapter Five

  How was she going to tell Maddie?

  This baby would crush her friend and that, in turn, would crush Carissa. If she couldn’t have her mom with her during the pregnancy, she had to have Maddie. There was no other option.

  “We need talk with Dan and Maddie right away,” Carissa said to Josh, as she got dressed for the day. She brushed her hair in front of the bedroom mirror while he sat on the bed, still staring at the positive tests. “I don't feel comfortable waiting. It doesn’t feel right.”

  In the reflection, Josh glanced up, his face serious. “I think we need to see a doctor first. Make sure everything is good before we get them upset. Just in case.”

  A valid point, but what if that just in case actually happened? She’d be devastated. And she’d need her best friend to hold her hand.

  “I need to tell her, Josh. Keeping it quiet seems deceitful, in light of everything they’re going through.”

  Josh stood and shifted forward, his hands curling around her shoulders tenderly. “I know it’s hard, babe, but we have to think about what’s best for us, too.”

  “And that’s seeing a doctor first?” She loved Maddie like a sister. Sisters didn’t keep secrets.

  He nodded, then added quietly, “I think we should move the wedding up.”

  Huh? She spun toward him, eyebrows lifted. “Excuse me?”

  “What’s the sense in waiting?”

  Aside from the fact that all of their plans—that’d she’d busted her ass to make—were set for the summer? She blinked up at him, unable to form words yet again.

  “It’s not a big deal, Car. We’ll just move things up. To…say, March. Or maybe even next month.”

  “Next month?” A hard frown gripped her face. “Josh, I barely have things sorted out for June. I cannot wave a magic wand and make it happen in February.”

  “We don’t need anything elaborate. Something small will work just as well as the big shindig we talked about.” He lifted a shoulder. A shoulder she promptly slugged.

  “Listen here, mister. You wanted a big wedding and we're having a big wedding. In June.” End of discussion.

  “Babe, I don't want to wait. In fact, I definitely think we should get married before the baby comes. Don't you?”

  In a perfect world, yes. But the situation they found themselves in was far from perfect. “I can’t plan another wedding. Not right now. With all of this.” She waved her hand toward her belly and he laughed.

  “Not another wedding. We're just moving it up the one you already have planned.”

  “Do you even hear what you’re saying? Have you listened at all to what I’ve been saying for the past couple of months?” She pushed around him and grabbed her jacket. “This can’t be done in a month. It can hardly be done in six months.”

  “If we go big, no. I mean, I know I said I wanted a bunch of people there. All the usual stuff like a band and a big dinner and dancing, but I can compromise. I’d rather have a healthy, stress-free pregnancy for you.”

  Hot tears brewed in her eyes. She’d already spent the fall making plans and now he wanted to change everything?

  “I can’t talk about this with you right now,” she muttered. “I’m going over to Maddie’s. To tell her. I think you should talk to Dan. Right away.”

  “You don’t have to do this now, Carissa.”

  Oh, but she did. For her own sanity and because she respected Maddie too much not to.

  She also needed best friend’s support now more than ever.

  ***
br />   “You're pregnant.” Maddie’s expression remained emotionless. Neither happy, nor sad or angry. Just...flat. Which was probably more dangerous than the crying or fire-breathing versions of her best friend.

  “We weren't trying, Mads. I took my pills on time. You know I've always been good about that.” How many conversations had they had over the years about being careful? About waiting until the time was right.

  “You were sick at the end of October. You were on antibiotics, remember?”

  She glanced up at Maddie’s still impassive face. “Oh, God, I forgot about that.”

  “Believe me, I’ve thought about this. Trying to figure out what you did that I didn’t.”

  How was that possible? She’d only known for less than ten minutes.

  “I saw Josh at the store this morning. I asked him not to tell you.”

  Oh, no. “Maddie. Honey. I’m so sorry. I know how badly you and Dan want a baby. Please believe that Josh and I don’t want to hurt either of you.”

  Her best friend nodded, the slightest glimmer of emotion finally showing her emerald eyes. “I know that. It doesn’t stop me from feeling like a failure, though.” Maddie reached for a tissue from the box on her coffee table. “Dan’s counts are all good, therefore the problem has to lie with me. That’s a hard pill to swallow.”

  “You don’t know that for sure. You’ve only been seeing the doctor for a couple of months.”

  “Long enough to know, Carissa. I mean, what if I can’t ever have a baby? Worse, what if Dan can’t accept that?”

  A hard ball of pressure lodged in Carissa's chest. “He loves you to death, sweetie. Nothing will change that.”

  “Things like that are easy enough to say, because we want it to be true. But you've heard the stories as often as I have. Couples split up all the time because of infertility. What if we’re one of them?” Maddie’s face broke and she buried her tears in her hands.

  What could Carissa say to that? Maddie was right—it was easy to give hopeful encouragement, but it was also hard to deny the facts. Dan and Maddie had been trying for a long time. No, Carissa didn’t believe for a second that Dan would ever give up on his wife for any reason, especially not their inability to have a baby, but that wasn’t what Maddie wanted to hear right now.

  There was nothing she could say to alleviate her best friend’s pain aside from presenting her with a positive pregnancy test of her own.

  She slid next to Maddie on the couch and rested her head on her shoulder. “I wish I knew what to say to make this easier.”

  Maddie sniffed and leaned her head down on Carissa’s. “I’m glad Josh is telling Dan. I wouldn’t be able to.”

  “No worries on that front. Josh insisted he tell Dan face-to-face.” After he’d accepted the fact that she was telling Maddie today, come hell or high water.

  “Is it bad that I don’t want him to come home anytime soon?” her friend whispered. “I don’t want to see the disappointment on his face.”

  “Maddie…”

  “No. Just hear me out, okay? I’ve put up a front for a long time, but I don’t think I can do it anymore. I just…I can’t. I think it’s time Dan and I talk about taking a break from trying.” Maddie sat upright again and blew out a slow breath. “I need to do it for me, you know? Like you and the wedding plans.”

  “Except I can’t really put those on hold anymore.”

  “No, you can’t. And if I’m not thinking about making a baby, I can give you more of my time.” Her friend smiled. It was a small gesture, but a genuine one, at that. Even though Carissa could still see the deep ache in her friend’s eyes.

  “I can’t ask you to do that, Mads.”

  “You’re not asking—I’m offering.”

  Unfortunately, that didn’t make her feel better. “How about you talk to Dan first?”

  “I will, but it’s not going to change my mind. I’ve actually been thinking about taking a break for a while now. I need some time to figure out the next step. See what it is I really want to do. Maybe we try in vitro or even adoption. Maybe we don’t try anything at all.”

  “I understand.” Carissa reached out and brushed her friend’s hair behind her ear. “You know I’m here for you, no matter what’s on your mind. Even if you want to yell and scream at me, I’m game. I’ve got big shoulders.”

  Maddie gave a short laugh. “Be careful what you ask for. I might just take you up on it.”

  “Good, because I’m serious.”

  Her friend smiled, dabbing the last of her tears away. “Actually, Dan and I are seeing a counselor in a couple weeks. Probably something we should’ve done a long time ago.”

  “I think that's a good idea.”

  “I do, too.”

  “It’ll happen, sweetie. I know it will.”

  Maddie pulled her in for a hug. “I hope you’re right, because I want us to raise kids together.”

  Carissa smiled. “Me, too, Mads. Me, too.”

  Chapter Six

  All was well with Maddie. At least for the time being. So why did Carissa feel so damn awful?

  One hand gripped around the steering wheel, she swiped at her tears with the other, navigating cautiously through the falling snow.

  Pregnancy hormones officially sucked. She’d left Maddie’s with a smile on her face, but less than two miles down the road, everything had changed.

  How as she going to do this? How was she going to keep it together and make this wedding happen like she'd planned? How as she going to be a mother?

  The lights on the car coming flashed and she sniffled, quickly checking her own. They were on. There were also no deer to be seen. Just a snow covered road ahead with even more flakes dancing in the air.

  While pretty enough, a winter wedding had never been her dream. She’d always envisioned the special day being lit up by bright sunshine, while the summer breeze blew through her hair. Later, she and her husband would dance beneath the moonlight, and make love under the stars.

  Josh would give her that dream if she insisted. But wasn’t all of her hard work about making him happy, too? She didn’t know how she’d do it, but if he wanted to move the wedding up—to do the right thing by her now—then she’d make that happen, because at the end of the day, the only thing that really mattered was making sure he knew how deep her love ran for him. So, she’d accept Maddie’s help. Even if she weren’t entirely convinced her best friend’s heart wouldn’t break a little more than it had already today.

  Sighing, Carissa slowed the car as she approached a corner. Not soon enough, though. The rear of her vehicle slid to the right and she jerked her foot off the gas pedal, regaining control only milliseconds before the tires hit the shoulder.

  “Thank you, Jesus,” she whispered, both hands firmly on the wheel. A stretch of drifted snow came into view and she held her breath, nerves now at full roar.

  And rightfully so, because the second her car met the thick mass of snow, it lurched hard to the right again, sucked fast and forcefully toward the ditch.

  She screamed as the lights of an oncoming car flashed through the cloud of snow before her.

  ***

  “Maddie and I will get through this." Dan dangled his jig pole above the fishing hole with a sigh. "It might take some time, but we will.”

  “Have you talked any more about in vitro?” Josh adjusted the lure on his own pole before lowering it into the hole next to his brother’s.

  “Yeah, but I'm not sure how I feel about it at this point. Maddie's already so emotional. Going through all of that only to have it fail would devastate her.”

  No shit. It would break Carissa’s heart, too. “I’m not an authority on this or anything, but maybe you two should talk to someone. A counselor or something.”

  “We're set to see a fertility counselor in a couple weeks. Maybe get some insight on where to go from here.”

  Josh nodded. “You're taking this better than I expected.”

  “Which part?” Dan frowned. “Th
e part where my little brother’s having a kid before I am?”

  Well, fuck. Didn’t that make him feel like a friggin’ schmuck. “All of it, but yeah…that part especially.

  “You think I didn’t already guess this would happen?” His brother shook his head with a humorless chuckle, his eyes back on his pole. “I’m not going to lie—I’m jealous as hell. But I’d hate it even more if the two of you had to go through the same shit as Maddie and I are.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Dan looked up again, a legit smile on his face. “Don’t fucking apologize for making me an uncle.”

  Something a little softer than Josh was comfortable with broke loose in his chest and he shifted his emotional gaze away. He wasn’t even a full-fledged dad yet and already he’d crossed over to the wimpy side.

  Dan wrapped an arm around his neck and gave him a macho jostle. “Scary shit, isn’t it?” He chuckled for real this time. “Knowing your ugly ass procreated?”

  “Fuck you.” Josh laughed, too, shoving his brother away as his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He handed over the fishing pole and stood to dig the device from his insulated pants. “Let’s just hope our kids take after their mothers.”

  “True that.” His brother nodded as Josh stuck the phone to his ear.

  “Yo, Sheriff, what’s up?”

  “Carissa’s been in an accident,” his buddy barked without prelude, and Josh’s blood ran cold.

  “What? Where?”

  “Just out of town. She’s fine, but headed to the hospital in the ambulance as a precaution.”

  Questions ricocheted around in Josh’s head, but there was no time to demand answers. “I’m on my way.”

  “I’ll meet you there.” Mark disconnected the line and Josh shot a terrified glance at his brother.

  “Carissa’s been in an accident.”

  Dan shoved to his feet, tossing the fishing poles aside. “I’ll drive.”

  ***

  “Follow the tip of my pen without moving your head.” Dr. McElroy lifted his pen and Carissa did as she was told, though the room spun and her stomach rolled with every flick of her eyes.

  “I’m going to be sick,” she rasped, looking around the room in a panic. The nurse quickly shoved a pink basin at her and not a moment too soon. She wretched until every muscle in her body ached there was nothing left to come up.