Can't Walk Away Read online

  The hem of her dress fluttered in the mid-October breeze and she steeled herself against a rush of goose bumps that came in the wake of his intense stare.

  “Do you wanna be with him?” he asked, his voice steady, though she sensed he was holding back. Barely.

  “What do you care?” Ally lifted her chin, but it did nothing to dissolve the lump growing in her throat. She cared about Mark, but she couldn’t live in limbo like this, not knowing where they stood. Not knowing if he’d pull away again.

  He took two big steps forward and crowded her back against the side of her car with his palms planted on either side of her head. “I care. I care a whole fucking lot,” he growled, his breath hot against her face.

  “You have a shitty way of showing it, Sheriff,” she said, standing her ground. She couldn’t let him see how he affected her. How fast her breath wanted to come. How her fingers trembled...

  Time slowed and suddenly there was nothing but that moment. The two of them standing close, yet so far apart, silent longing hanging between them in the cool night air. It’d be so easy to toe up and kiss him. To say to hell with the past few weeks and love him like she wanted to, despite the hurt he’d caused.

  “I’m gonna ask you one more time, Ally.” His voice was strained. Raw. And heat radiated from his chest to hers, making her breasts grow hot and heavy. “Was it him you wanted tonight?”

  Ah, hell, there was no way she could keep this up when he was close enough to touch. To taste. “We both know I didn’t or I’d be with him right now.”

  He growled and pushed a hand into her hair, using the leverage to pull her face closer to his. The sweet smell of his breath tickled her nose and she realized he hadn’t even been drinking tonight. Which meant this was real Mark, and so was the guy who’d shattered the glass at the bar.

  Blood pulsed hot through her body, pooling in her lower belly. Knowing he acted with a clear head excited her. Way more than it should have, all things considered.

  “I need to hear you say it, Al. I need you to tell me it was me you were thinking about when his hands were on you.”

  She’d never been able to deny him and tonight was no different. She nodded and he leaned in close. She thought he might kiss her, but he didn’t. He just lingered there, suspended above her mouth. Close enough to tease, but far enough away to make her wonder what would happen next.

  “Say the words, baby,” he whispered, regret lacing his words.

  Good to know he was capable of an emotion other than possessive anger, but could letting him in again really be as easy as a few murmured words? He hadn’t offered any explanation for his silence, and he hadn’t apologized either.

  “I wanted you. I’ve wanted you for the past month.” She wet her lips and met his eyes in the moonlight. “And even though I shouldn’t, I want you right now, too.”

  A flash of something dark passed over his face and he bent, slid an arm beneath her ass, and lifted her off of the ground. With a growl, he pressed her back against the window behind her and she gasped. He was hard. So freaking gloriously hard and right there.

  A warm rush of sensation spread between her thighs and she wrapped her legs around his waist, rocking her hips into his. Four weeks. She’d gone without him for four weeks and she was too weak, too gone to this man, to put up any more fight.

  He reached for the thin band of her panties at the same time she reached for his belt and, in a matter of fumbling, eager seconds, they removed the barriers between them, him with a snap of the lace on her hip and her with trembling fingers that barely pushed aside his jeans.

  He was commando and the heat of his erection pressed against her middle was a tempting contrast to the cool night around them. She rotated her hips, rubbing herself against him and egging him on, because what she wanted to feel right now, only he could give her. Consequences be damned.

  “You’re mine, Ally.” He lifted her a little higher and aligned the head of his shaft with her opening.

  “No, I’m not,” she countered before she threw back her head and hissed with the unadulterated pleasure of him sliding inside. There was nothing better than this. Not a thing in world.

  “You are,” he said again, one hand holding her steady against the car while the other wrapped around her jaw, forcing her to look at him. His expression tightened and his brow creased as a soft grunt rumbled in his chest and he pushed all the way home.

  She sucked in breath after breath, savoring every tingle of arousal that raced along her nerves as the base of his cock teased against her clit. Every little point of connection between his body and hers felt electrified. So intense and overstimulated that the winding pressure of orgasm already stirred in her belly.

  He could make her come like no one else ever had and he could fill her to the point she thought she might break, but he didn’t own her. Not yet.

  Folding her arms around his shoulders, she drove fingers into his hair and held on tight. She’d give him this, because, with her body, she trusted him infinitely. But her heart? Well, he’d already broken it once.

  “I love this.” Thrust. “Love how perfect we fit together.” Grunt. “How you wrap around me like you’re afraid I’ll leave.”

  Because I am.

  “I’m not going anywhere, baby.”

  But you did! You did leave!

  Emotion dampened her eyes and she blinked back the tears, even as pleasure blossomed in her core. She loved him and he didn’t freaking get it. He thought he could come and go from her life and, for eleven months, she’d let him do just that.

  But it wasn’t enough anymore.

  All or nothing. She wouldn’t settle for anything less this time.

  He shifted again and all ten of his fingers dug into her hips, angling her up so that when he slammed in and pulled out, he hit all the right spots along the way. Sensation burst low in her belly and her limbs shook just as wildly as her heart. Mark came a second later, his hips pulsing against hers as he spilled himself inside. He buried his face in her neck and pressed his lips against her skin, her name on his tongue.

  It was then that she realized...

  “You didn’t even kiss me,” she whispered and a single tear slid down her cheek. “You didn’t even fucking kiss me.”

  He pulled back and smiled. “Then I’ll do it now.”

  But she wiggled out of his arms before he could. Disengaging him from her body, she found the ground with her feet and straightened her rumpled dress. “Go home, Mark.”

  “What? Come on, Al. Your parents are out of town this weekend. Let me come inside. Let me stay.”

  She shook her head and rid the emotion from her face with her fingertips and a sniffle. “You didn’t follow me tonight so you could make right on how you’ve acted this past month—you followed me to make sure you still had the power to get into my pants when it suits you.”

  “When it suits me...” He tucked himself back into his jeans and zipped. “Is that what you really think?”

  She wrapped her arms around herself, shivering, but not because of the cold. “Pretty sure it’s not because you really care.” And that broke her heart in ways she didn’t dare tell him.

  He stared for a long moment, then spoke low. “I told you how I felt.”

  “Doesn’t mean you meant it.”

  “Ally, don’t—”

  “Do you love me?”

  His eyes went wide and he staggered a half-step backwards.

  Answer enough.

  She turned and started toward the house.

  The hardest punch of all?

  He let her go.

  Chapter Two

  “What the hell is going on with you and Ally?”

  Mark glanced up from a mountain of paperwork when his cousin Tony barged into his office the next day, unannounced and uninvited. “Who let you back here?”

  “Answer my question.” Tony slapped his hands on the desk and glowered. “I just came from the coffee shop and that girl is a friggin’ mess. She eve
n screwed up my drink. Ally never does that.”

  Mark pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Speaking of coffee, he could really use a cup. He’d slept for shit last night after leaving the Barrett farm with his tail between his legs.

  He should’ve just told her how he felt, but he’d envisioned saying the most important words of his life in a more meaningful moment—not because he’d fucked up and they were his only saving grace.

  Yeah, he loved Ally. Had for months. But he’d never made that confession to a woman before and when he did it, he’d do it right.

  “We’re going through a rough patch right now,” he finally said, glaring his empty coffee cup.

  Tony frowned. “What kind of rough patch?”

  “You were at the pub last night. You saw what happened.”

  “What I saw was you acting like a fucking moron. What did you expect her to do, man? You ignored her all night.”

  “It’s called giving her space, asshole.” He pushed away from his desk and went to the coffee pot in the corner. Empty.

  “What does she need space for? If anything, it’s time for you to man up and do the right thing. She can’t be your convenience fuck forever, you know.”

  “She’s never been my convenience fuck,” he snapped. Goddamn, he had a headache. No sleep, no coffee, and a fucking migraine. This day just kept getting better.

  “Does she know that?” Tony crossed his arms over his chest and stared a bullet hole right between Mark’s eyes.

  He wanted to say she did, but after last night, he was pretty sure that wasn’t the case. “I don’t know.”

  “Then maybe you should tell her, dumbass. Real genius idea, right there.”

  He flipped Tony off and dropped back into his chair. He was going to tell her. He just needed to fix what he’d messed up first.

  “Listen, I’ve gotta run to Hastings to pick up Brianna from Mom’s, but I wanted to tell you that, after her shift today, Ally’s supposed to drop by Nicole’s. Pretty sure Nic wouldn’t mind if you intercepted your girl first.”

  Mark scrubbed a hand over his rough jaw. “She told you she was avoiding my calls, didn’t she?”

  Tony shook his head. “No, but I heard her mumble something like ‘nothing for a month’ and then ‘a hundred times in one morning’. She also called you a jerkface.”

  Jerkface? God, she must really hate him.

  “Tell me you didn’t ignore her for the past month.”

  “Hey, I just wanted to see what she’d do.” Wow, that sounded lame even to his own ears.

  “That’s the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard. Even coming from you.”

  “Yeah, no shit. I see that now.”

  “So fix it.”

  “I intend to.”

  “Good.” Tony gave his head another shake. “And here I thought you were the one who had his shit together.”

  Apparently not. “Give Aunt Gracie a hug for me. Mom, too.” One of these days, he needed to make time for a Hastings trip himself. He hadn’t seen his mother and his aunt in months. But his job kept him busy. He’d taken an oath to make it his number one priority and he lived by that promise. His personal life...hell, he was lucky to have one at all.

  Tony left and Mark picked up his phone. He hadn’t called Ally a hundred times. He’d wanted to, but he didn’t need to be deemed a stalker either, so he stopped after ten attempts. That was two hours ago. It was noon now.

  And he was out of fucking coffee.

  His chair skidded across the tiled floor as he stood and shrugged into his jacket.

  He’d visited Cedar Street Brew every day for the past five years. Long before Ally had started working there. Wasn’t stalking if all he was doing was keeping up tradition.

  She didn’t want to talk to him? Too bad. She had a job to do, just like he did. And, right now, that was to win her back.

  ***

  Men sucked. Punch. Especially ones in uniform. Knead. Who had blue eyes. Slap. And had sex without kissing.

  “Ugh!” Flopping over the bread dough, Ally stood back and brought the back of her floury hand to her forehead, her chest heaving.

  “You’re really going to town on that poor thing.” Gladys, the owner of Cedar Street Brew, leaned into the doorway of the kitchen. “Have anything to do with the sheriff’s little outburst at the pub last night?”

  Jesus, had everyone heard? Of course they had. This was River Bend. At least they were talking about Mark and not her stupid stunt with Jason. Ick. She wasn’t the kind of girl who went after revenge and she definitely didn’t play games. Yet in a moment of lovesick desperation, she’d done just that. And she’d made an already crappy situation even worse. Too bad life didn’t come with an eraser.

  “Why are men idiots?” she asked her boss, an older woman who’d become more than a friend and confidant over the years Ally had worked for her—Gladys was family.

  “If I knew the answer to that, honey bunch, I’d bottle it and sell it and we could both retire early.”

  “Yes, and you and Tom could sail off to some secluded island in the Caribbean, while I sit home—probably still my parents’ house—doing crossword puzzles and yelling at sperm donor baby daddies on Maury Povich. Alone.”

  Gladys winked. “Hey, at least your allergies will keep you from becoming a crazy cat lady.”

  “Ha!” Ally blew a strand of hair from her face with a laugh. “There’s that, at least.”

  “You know, Red, the sheriff is a pretty composed man. For him to blow a gasket like that is unusual. I don’t think he would’ve done it if he didn’t care.”

  Ally tucked the bread into a pan to rise, then went to the sink to wash her hands. Entertaining the what ifs was tempting, but her battered heart could only take so many hits. Best to not think about anything other than reality, and right now her reality was that Mark hadn’t cared enough to even kiss her. That hurt. A lot.

  She grabbed a towel and sighed. “Mind if I cut out a little early today? I have an appointment to look at an apartment and then I’m going to Nicole’s to help pack up some more of her grandmother’s things.”

  Gladys nodded. “Sure thing, doll face. Glad to hear you’re getting out on your own again.”

  “Dad’s doing a lot better since his fall. He’s climbing the stairs again and the doctor said he can get back to farm work whenever he feels up to it. Honestly, he’s been doing it for months already. God knows Luke wasn’t going to tend to all those pumpkins.” She couldn’t knock her brother too much though—he’d done a lot more around the farm than she had the past few months. She’d spent most of her weekends with Mark. “Mom could use some breathing room, too. My parents are still young, you know? Having their twenty-eight year old daughter around has gotta cramp their style.”

  “I don’t know about that, but getting into your own place again will be good for you. I hope this appointment goes well.”

  “Me too. If I like it, I can move at the end of the month.” And get the fresh start she desperately needed.

  “In that case, I’ll cross my toes and my fingers.” Gladys held both hands in the air and did just that. Ally laughed as the chimes on the front door jangled.

  “I’ll get this one. You take that break you’ve been pretending you don’t want.”

  Gladys tried to wave her off, but Ally beat her to front of the coffee shop. And then she wished she hadn’t.

  Mark stood on the other side of the counter looking fine as hell in his casual cop attire—a black Cameron County Sheriff fleece jacket left unzipped to show off the snug black Henley that hugged the planes of his chest, and a pair of dark cargos without the utility belt. He did have his gun strapped on though. Mark without his gun was like her without her red hair.

  “Afternoon,” he said with a dip of his sexy, unshaven chin. His eyelids looked heavy and a twinge of remorse niggled in her gut.

  “Hey.” She went straight to the coffee machine for his grande with two creams and a sugar. No small talk today.
No making plans for when they’d see each other again. Just business. It was all she could handle right now.

  He cleared his throat, but said nothing. Just wandered over to the bakery case and browsed. He was late today and the lemon poppy seed muffins—his favorite—were already gone.

  She finished up his drink and carried it over to the cash register. Begrudging her own idiocy, she pulled a white bakery bag from beneath the counter and set it next to the cup.

  “You saved one for me?” he asked, a small smile on his un-kissing lips.

  She rolled her eyes and rung him up. “Don’t get excited. It’s from yesterday.” It totally wasn’t. And it had extra crumble on top, too.

  He took his change and lingered, but she couldn’t meet his eyes. They’d had sex against her car, for God’s sake. And this morning, she’d found her torn, discarded panties on the ground in her parents’ driveway.

  “Have dinner with me tonight,” he said quietly.

  “And feed the rumor mill some more? I’ll pass.”

  “Then come over. I’ll cook for you.”

  She crossed her arms and shifted her weight to one leg. Just say it, Ally. Put on your big girl panties and... “Look, Mark, I need some time, okay?”

  His brow furrowed. “But I’ve given you a month.”

  She gave a bark of humorless, heartbroken laughter. “A month I didn’t ask for.”

  “I don’t get it—”

  “I didn’t need time then, but I do now. Okay?” Her cheeks heated and she cursed her Irish genes, because he was no doubt seeing every bit of her conflicted emotion right now. Of course, she wanted to see him tonight. She wanted to see him every day for the rest of her life, but the past month had proved something very important—Mark wasn’t capable of making that kind of commitment.

  “No.” He shook his head. “There are things I want to say. Things I need to say.”